Not In My Head
A poem
This poem is one depiction, among many of the effects of mental abuse; I composed this poem, as a way to speak out about mental abuse and have used what others have told me to collate those ideas into this poem. I speak for people who are unable to give voice to their problems and hope they can one day be free from the abuse they may receive. Mental abuse can take many forms- this is just my dipiction, in one instance. If you are experiencing abuse of any form, please reach out to someone you trust. You are worth so much, unfortunately, some don’t see that but I do and hope you can too.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
You think it’s in my head,
Telling me to go to bed.
‘Sleep if off,’ you say,
‘ ’til it be gone away.’
So sleep I do,
Night, adieu.
But awake in the morn,
To still be torn.
Feeling useless still,
Your voice a trill.
My body, you may not touch,
But do hurt my mind too much.
Disparaging me is what you do,
Telling me I’m nothing, too.
It’s not in my head,
It’s in yours instead.
You try to deny,
Oh, how hard you try.
To prove you’re right,
With all your might.
Humans are able,
To be monsters at the table.
But they too rest,
This life a test.
They may sleep,
Or they may weep.
Relish they may,
Or regret one day.
Know that what you commit,
Has reached a summit.
And you know too,
I know you do.
My breaking point is near,
Though you continue to tear-
Me down completely,
Your work done neatly.
Easily dismissed,
Away you kissed.
You won’t let me be,
As trauma haunts me.
It’s me you’ve hurt,
In ways too curt.
If only you knew,
The ache caused too.
But you don’t know the pain,
Which you cause to stain.
How could you?
Why would you?
But I shan’t break,
Myself I make.
I’m not broken,
This survival a token.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Thank you to everyone who gave ideas and shared their experiences with me; forever I am by your side, I pray the aches you feel are one day dulled by something much better.
Thank you also to my constant supporters:
Dovey ♡
Filza Chaudhry — ‘We have to find the power within to say ‘No’, ‘No more’, ‘Back Off’…or whatever resonates with the victim….abusers are bullies playing out abused patterns that may have occurred in their lives too….we can also find strength in numbers…do not suffer in silence…there are people, friends, organisations ready and willing to help.’
